This makes me think... prayer and love of neighbor are linked

Q: How does loving my neighbor -- husband, wife, children, friends, co-workers -- contribute to my contemplative prayer?


A: I may begin with the theological core of the matter: there is only one virtue of charity by which we love God, ourselves, and our neighbor. If I am not loving others -- although not necessarily liking them -- I cannot have a deep prayer life, for its heart, love, is missing. My prayer will be no better than my love for others. No set of techniques... will be able of themselves to improve it.


...


The whole of life is lived in the divine presence, which is an atmosphere of love. We are urged by St. Paul "to live through love in his presence (Eph 1:4).  St. Augustine also shrewdly noted that "in loving our neighbor the eye of our mind is purified to contemplate God." Loving our associates requires that we practice other virtues: humility, gentleness, patience, obedience. Thus we are purified of our faults, each of which may be an impediment to growth in divine intimacy.


---Thomas Dubay, S.M. Seeking Spiritual Direction,  Servant, 1993.

This makes me think... like, sainthood might actually be accessible.

Through baptism we become part of a family much larger than our biological family.  It is a family of people "set apart" by God to be light in the darkness.  These set-apart people are called saints.  Although we tend to think about saints as holy and pious, and picture them with halos above their heads and ecstatic gazes, true saints are much more accessible.  They are men and women like us, who live ordinary lives and struggle with ordinary problems.  What makes them saints is their clear and unwavering focus on God and God's people.  Some of their lives may look quite different, but most of their lives are remarkably similar to our own. The saints are our brothers and sisters, calling us to become like them.

            ---Henri Nouwen, Bread for the Journey. (More about Henri here.)

This makes me think...

Humility rests on an interior decision of the will. Furthermore, humility is not primarily an attitude that pertains to the relationship of man to man: it is the attitude of man before the face of God.  Humility is the knowledge and acceptance of the inexpressible distance between Creator and creature.  It is, in a very precise sense... as Gertrud von le Fort once said, "man's true and proper worth before God."


---Josef Pieper, On Hope

This makes me think...

Humility might make us indifferent even to a good reputation, were it not for charity’s sake; but seeing that it is a groundwork of society, and without it we are not merely useless but positively harmful to the world, because of the scandal given by such a deficiency, therefore charity requires, and humility allows, us to desire and to maintain a good reputation with care.

Moreover, just as the leaves of a tree are valuable, not merely for beauty’s sake, but also as a shelter to the tender fruit, so a good reputation, if not in itself very important, is still very useful, not only as an embellishment of life, but as a protection to our virtues, especially to those which are weakly. The necessity for acting up to our reputation, and being what we are thought to be, brings a strong though kindly motive power to bear upon a generous disposition. Let us foster all our virtues, my daughter, because they are pleasing to God, the Chief Aim 160of all we do... 

As a rule, indifference to insult and slander is a much more effectual remedy than resentment, wrath, and vengeance. Slander melts away beneath contempt, but indignation seems a sort of acknowledgment of its truth. Crocodiles never meddle with any but those who are afraid of them, and slander only persists in attacking people who are disturbed by it.

An excessive fear of losing reputation indicates mistrust as to its foundations, which are to be found in a good and true life. Those towns where the bridges are built of wood are very uneasy whenever a sign of flood appears, but they who possess stone bridges are not anxious161unless some very unusual storm appears. And so a soul built up on solid Christian foundations can afford to despise the outpour of slanderous tongues, but those who know themselves to be weak are for ever disturbed and uneasy. Be sure, my daughter, that he who seeks to be well thought of by everybody will be esteemed by nobody, and those people deserve to be despised who are anxious to be highly esteemed by ungodly, unworthy men.

Reputation, after all, is but a signboard giving notice where virtue dwells, and virtue itself is always and everywhere preferable. Therefore, if it is said that you are a hypocrite because you are professedly devout, or if you are called a coward because you have forgiven an insult, despise all such accusations. Such judgments are the utterances of foolish men, and you must not give up what is right, even though your reputation suffer, for fruit is better than foliage, that is to say, an inward and spiritual gain is worth all external gains. We may take a jealous care of our reputation, but not idolise it; and while we desire not to displease good men, neither should we seek to please those that are evil....

Let us keep Jesus Christ Crucified always before our eyes; let us go on trustfully and simply, but with 163discretion and wisdom, in His Service, and He will take care of our reputation; if He permits us to lose it, it will only be to give us better things, and to train us in a holy humility, one ounce of which is worth more than a thousand pounds of honour.

--- St Francis de Sales, Introduction to the Devout Life

Mind the Gap

 

This is my latest over at CatholicMom.com, but you can enjoy it here too.

I've been to London twice. Four times if you count the layovers at Heathrow now and again. And this is one of my favorite expressions found throughout the London Tube System:  Mind the Gap.

It’s a polite warning for rail travelers to mind your footing as you step onto or off the train, taking notice of the distance between the arriving train car and the platform.  You see the sign and the notices everywhere.  And the automated public address system reminds you day and night of the same, all with proper British civility.

Your safety depends on minding the gap.  Keeping aright amidst ongoing change demands deliberate attention and action.

Lately, in my own little corner of New England, I’ve been finding all sorts of new applications for the phrase mind the gap.

Creative financing with my checkbook… mind the gap.

Flossing my teeth at night… mind the gap(s).

Missing my out-of-state sisters – I must give a call… mind the gap.

My teenaged driver is learning how to parallel park, not to mention pulling my car into the garage: mind the gap, (or its second cousin, with the prefix, please God!)

And now this one:  allow me suggest that mind the gap can be a fruitful caution for married and engaged couples.

If your marriage is like mine – it often resembles a fast-moving train through life – its course passing through many stations in life.  Each station brings platforms of varying height.  Failing to mind the gap may be perilous.

A marriage must constantly adjust to new terrain and circumstances.

Recently, I expressed to my husband that I was feeling a gap between us. He knew what I meant. He was feeling it too. We had failed to mind the gap.

We had been separated by necessity (business travel is a common occurrence in our home), and we had peaceful homecomings, but other pressures were mounting. Stressors in our family life and routines were pushing us away from one another.

Weeks of not minding the gap allowed it to grow and take its toll on us.

By mentioning it aloud, in a gentle way, I was taking the first deliberate step toward proper footing.

The next step was a date night of sorts: we knew we needed to unload some frustrations about the state of our relationship, and we needed to get out of the house to do it.  Coffee and sharing a piece of pie at a local diner would suffice. 

The good thing about talking about one’s problems in a public setting is that it allows proper civility to reign.  Courtesy toward one another and others is demanded, even when you have a difficult topic to broach.  (Bear in mind, I do believe in privacy for spouses. Often discreet time alone is needed to address delicate concerns out of the earshot of others.  This was not one of those times.  We needed time away from the stressors at home.)

Thankfully, the providence of God knew just what we needed too: our restaurant hostess guided us to a private corner booth.

We placed our order, smiled cordially, and chitchatted about the kids and some routine household matters. 

When the pie came, it was the moment of truth.

What of the gap?  What was happening to us lately?  How did we let this stress consume us for so long?

We took turns, respectfully, unloading our burdens. There were many good reasons for the gap that has swallowed us.  Life is just hard sometimes, and for the last few months, it has just been getting harder.

The humble pie consumed, the waitress refilled our coffees.

What was needed was the work of apologies and forgiveness.  We had hurt each other, no doubt.  In not minding the gap, the shifting circumstances of our life tripped us up.

Very simply, we were not being MINDFUL of one another. 

We had taken each other for granted. It was a painful misstep.  Sometimes when you’ve been pulling into the same station for years, you forget to actually enjoy the local scenery and observe your surroundings.

Mindfulness is taking a deliberate, attentive step onto something solid.  It is taking notice of situations and positioning oneself to take the next logical step.

Mindfulness is more than just knowing the other’s preferences… it is actually taking that knowledge and acting on it, deliberately.  It is placing another’s needs and desires ahead of our own.

Mindfulness is doing the good thing, the right thing, yes, even the holy thing, on purpose.

Mindfulness in Christian marriage means we are always seeking to be ONE, instead of two.

When we are mindful of one another in our daily lives, we dwell in security and peace and protection.  When we fail to be mindful, we trip and fall.

Jesus stood in the gap for us between heaven and hell, between real life and something less, a counterfeit.  He came because the Father was ever mindful of the gap. 

God saw that the disturbing distance between his people and himself needed deliberate attention.  And not just temporary stopgap, but a permanent bridge that brought full restoration and communion between both sides.

And so he sent Jesus.  And thanks to Jesus, we have the way, the truth and the life – the permanent fix for gap-minding and gap-mending in our own lives.

So, hubby and I renewed our love for one another, after confessing our shortcomings.  We talked about how certain choices and responses to circumstances crowded “us” out.  There was more, but you get the point.

To quote my husband, it was like we were in a rat race and the rats were winning.  We needed to recalibrate, redirect, and recharge our unified effort in fighting off the proverbial rats in our midst.


After all, rats are those creepy gap-dwelling critters found under railway tracks and platforms.


Oh yeah, that's another good reason to mind the gap.
©2009 Patricia W. Gohn

It Makes Me Think...

Mary is the one creature who unconditionally accepted her creatureliness with all its limitations and weaknesses, with the trust that the Lord, who has seen the humility of His servant, would accomplish great things in her soul.  Those women who have repeatedly been deemed "weak" find in Mary their special title of glory.  How sweet to be weak when one is carried by the all-loving and all-powerful God who can do all things. That this "weakness," this gentleness and frailty is... transfigured by grace is powerfully expressed in the liturgy in which the sweet flower of Nazareth is referred to as "an army set in array."


-----Alice von Hilderbrand, The Privilege of Being a Woman.